The Name


“Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.”  C.G. Jung

My brother’s name was Courtland. The meaning of Courtland is “The Land Enclosed.”

I remember the day he told me this, it was like something now made sense to him that hadn’t his entire life. Something deep inside of him was answered.

From when I was very little I journeyed within, explored my inner world as much if not more than the external world.  My brother and I had this in common.

With his existence, I knew I was not alone in the way I made sense of the world. The thing about my brother was….he was brilliant. So brilliant. He had the ability to describe compassion as the only logical response, empathy as necessary as oxygen, and  intuition as brilliance. Me…people just classified me as a “bleeding heart.” But it was okay, he was smart, and he made me make sense. I did not realize that he played this role for me until after his death.  The shudder and darkness my soul felt as his hand let go…I will never have words for.

I started my journey wanting to hold every orphan, mend every heart, help all to see their innate beauty. And at some point, I realized there was much to do within first. To understand my own worth, to face my own darkness, to create an intimate relationship with God, to understand the unique terrain of my soul.

There are not a lot of things that I hold as unaltering truths.  My mind spends most, if not all of its time proving itself wrong or confusing itself with hundreds of perspectives on the same subject.

However, if someone was to ask me the one “truth” that I hold closer than any other.  The one truth that guides me.  It is my belief of going within, knowing the land enclosed in your own soul.

I believe this more than anything else….

…is necessary if our world is to heal.

…is necessary for us to love

…is necessary if we are to nurture a child’s soul.

…is necessary if we are to meet God

The Land Enclosed…
my journey (after you floated away)

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